Don’t Give Up the joy of dancing

Learning to dance takes time and work for most of us, and it includes some evenings when you feel you’ll never improve and when almost no one will dance with you.

But if you keep learning, by taking classes or privates, drilling the fundamentals and practicing, and getting out there social dancing, you will most likely master the dance and come to enjoy the results of all that work: the joy of dancing well and being able to dance with many different partners.


Let’s say you’re a beginner or intermediate dancer and you’re standing and watching some really good dancers, and you’re feeling intimidated and afraid to dance. The problem is not with these really good dancers. The problem is in your own head.  You are not a victim of those dancers, nor of the thoughts in your own mind.  It is YOUR mind; YOU control the thoughts in YOUR mind.   You have a mental CHOICE that you can make:  You can CHOOSE to be intimidated, or you can CHOOSE to be inspired, by these excellent dancers.  You can CHOOSE to take the attitude that they’re great and you’re lousy, and that you’d be Intimidated and embarrassed to get on the dance floor.  Or you can CHOOSE to take the attitude that they have some great dancing abilities which someday you can learn, and you can use them as Inspiration to learn and grow bit by bit, as you study and practice this great dance over the months and years.  Intimidation or Inspiration:  You’re not a passive victim; you have the power to actively CHOOSE whether you want to be Inspired or Intimidated.  Now, which would you rather choose?  Which choice would be more constructive for your dancing progress, for your self-esteem, and for your dancing pleasure?

SO LADIES… I know we men are supposed to climb the highest mountain, and swim the deepest ocean, for that woman of our dreams, but I guess over the years we fellas have either become a lot less heroic and romantic, or we have just learned to play the odds and the probabilities.  So we focus most of our attention on the ladies right up by the dance floor.  Therefore, here’s the best strategy for you ladies:  if you really want more dances, stand up near the front, make yourself more visible, get into moving to the music., try a little eye contact and a smile (not too much, ’cause you know guys can’t handle intimacy!), maybe even give the guys a helping hand by asking one at your level to dance, so that others see you want to be out there dancing instead of just sitting in a corner.  Something else to remember:   If you arrive, leave, and spend the whole evening mostly with one guy, even if he’s “just a friend”, many possible partners will not approach you to dance because they’ll think he’s your boyfriend and you’re sticking with him for the evening.  So if you want people to ask you to dance, it’s best to roam around a bit or hang out with different people during the evening so the guys will perceive you as more available.

AND FELLAS… We have to remember that most ladies who are true salseras come to clubs and socials to dance, not to just sit or stand around and be cranky or depressed.  When we’re hesitating and timid about asking someone to dance, we need to remember that the majority of these ladies really do want to dance….that’s why they came.  So just take action, fellas.  And if the lady says “No”, well… .we’ve been told “No” many times before and we’re still breathing.  And there are definitely 10 other ladies right nearby who would probably love to say “Yes”.  And if a lady says “No”, and then 30 seconds later she’s dancing with another guy, well….what can you do?  We all have a right to be choosy, and so does she.  But it doesn’t mean you’re a jerk, or that you were wrong to have asked her to dance.  Just get over it, move on, and ask someone else.  Let’s get out and dance, and make the most of it!

Courtesy of “Doc Salsa”, Steve Shaw Salsa Magazine.

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